In which I pessimistically admit I *could* be an optimist

People tend to think in terms of binaries - optimist/pessimist, good/bad, dark/light, full/empty, heads/tails - although most things are more complicated than that. But at the same time, one part of the pair can't exist without the other - and at some point in the mix we might find those elusive things we call "truth" and "balance."

My sister and I have gone back and forth on the optimist/pessimist thing for years. She's fundamentally an optimist, I'm fundamentally not. She's definitely, and proudly, a "glass is half-full" person. I want to know which direction the liquid's going - into or out of the glass - before I call it as half-full or half-empty. (I actually call that being a "realist," but I’ve heard that makes me a pessimist in disguise.) I’ve operated from the standpoint of "expect the worst, and you won't be disappointed...but you could be pleasantly surprised if your expectations aren’t met!" I respect people who can maintain optimism - it seems to me that it takes a good deal of perseverance, along with a sizable dose of denial. A more pessimistic outlook is just easier sometimes - it doesn't seem to ask as much of you.

I've read that one basic difference between optimists and pessimists in how they engage with the world is that optimists blame their circumstances for setbacks, but pessimists blame themselves. I know that in my case, that's pretty accurate, and one of the things that’s put me on the pessimistic end of the spectrum.

But I’ve periodically evaluated my place on the pessimist/optimist continuum over the last few years, and I do believe the balance is tipping...toward the optimistic end of the scale. I see it manifesting in some of the things I do and choices I make - even in matters as mundane as being reluctant to abandon books once I start reading them. I’ve surprised myself, and I’m trying to sort out why that’s so.

It could be as basic as seeing the benefits of therapy and medication in recovering from clinical depression; when you’re not living under a dark cloud to begin with, a brighter perspective comes a little easier. I think coming into midlife may have something to do with it too. I still think it takes more energy to be optimistic; however, I seem to be getting better at summoning that energy. Maybe it’s because there aren’t as many years ahead of me now as there used to be, and looking on the dark side just doesn’t seem to be such a good use of my time at this point. There’s also some truth about wisdom coming with age - or, at the very least, gaining some confidence in what you can handle just because of all the stuff you’ve managed to handle already.

I still blame myself for most of my setbacks - even when I really didn’t have any power to affect them - but I’m getting better at not wallowing in the blame, picking myself up, and trying one more time.

I still wouldn’t describe myself as fundamentally hopeful, and there continue to be times when a pessimistic outlook wins out. There’s an awful lot to be pessimistic about in the world today, right? And there’s not much I can do about most of it. Oddly, though, that seems to help me veer in a more optimistic direction sometimes; at least, it reminds me to focus my attention on the things I actually can affect, and not lament what I can’t, which certainly strikes me as a non-pessimistic response.

I still think that most people's personalities trend one way or the other on the optimist/pessimist continuum, and that the basic tendency is probably pretty much set for most of us. But I also think we can learn to incorporate elements from the other side, and that we'll have a healthier overall outlook if we do - and that just might be what’s going on with me. However, I still think whether the glass is half-full or half-empty depends on which direction the liquid’s going, and I remain pessimistic about the prospect that I’ll ever be happy-go-lucky Pollyanna Sunshine. I’m not sure I’d want to be, either.

At the extremes, optimists and pessimists can really irritate each other, but we need each other, and each other's viewpoint. Without some ability to look on the bright side, we might never do anything; but without being able to see the potential pitfalls, we might not stop ourselves from doing some really dumb things. So once again, we come back to the mix, and the balance that's in there somewhere.

EDITED TO ADD: This was a featured member post on BlogHer.com on February 4.